Updated: April 17, 2010
Dr. von Kackensprecher strikes again! Geekiness is not a 1D state. There are many categories of geekiness. You may be a sci-fi geek or you may be a computer geek. Or both. Geekiness is a multi-value physical and emotional condition. But not all is lost. There's no reason to be ashamed. Being geek has become popular recently, with the invent of Internet and whatnot. While in the past, geeks used to be laboratory rats, geeks today look and feel and behave pretty much like the rest of us, ordinary people, except now and then, they have these little giveaways that classify them as geeks.
Would you like to know if you're one? Then, take the test and bask in the infinite wisdom of Dr. von Kackensprecher's ... uh-oh ... wisdom. After taking the test, you will know for sure if you're a geek, and better yet, what kind of a geek.
Test rules
You will need a piece of paper and something to write with. Or you can be a geek and sum it all up in gnumeric. Either way, you will need to sum your points, as you answer the questions. There's no scoring formula. Each answer will have its own unique score. Now, take the test. Don't be afraid.
Category 1: Sci-fi geekiness
Add/subtract points for any one of the following criteria you meet below:
- You like Star Wars (+20)
- You don't like Star Wars (-30)
- You think Princess Leia is the best thing to hit the TV screens (+20)
- You like Star Trek TNG (+10)
- You read Asimov before the age of 13 (+50)
- You believe in Minovsky physics (+500)
- You impersonate Picard or use the phrase Beam Me Up, Scotty (+5,000)
- You think causality means something after watching Matrix (+infinity)
- You speak Ferengi (+infinity)
Category 2: Fantasy geekiness
Add/subtract points for any one of the following criteria you meet below:
- You have read all of J. R. R. Tolkien's books (+10)
- You liked Silmarillion the best (+10)
- You've bought yourself a fake Sauron ring after the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy came out (+20)
- You play or played Dungeons and Dragons (+10)
- You play or played the REAL Dungeons and Dragons (+1,000)
- You think Elves are sexy (+50)
- You have participated in Cosplay (+100)
- You think King Arthur was a real action figure (+5,000)
- You think Hobbits really existed and/or speak Elven (+infinity)
Category 3: Computer geekiness (operating systems)
Add/subtract points for any one of the following criteria you meet below:
- You run any kind of Linux at home (+50)
- You run Gentoo or Arch Linux (+100)
- You run LFS and/or custom-compiled kernel (+500)
- You use Windows ME (-1,000)
- You run Mac (-500)
- You are subscribed to AOL (-5,000)
Category 4: Computer geekiness (general)
Add/subtract points for any one of the following criteria you meet below:
- You are a proponent of the Editors War - vi vs. emacs (+1,000)
- You use iTunes to listen to music (-500)
- You listen to podcasts (+500)
- You have a Bugzilla account (+1,000)
- You think Richard Stallman is a god (+10,000)
- You had Steve Ballmer sign your ... anything (+1E6)
- You can program in COBOL (+infinity)
Category 5: Computer geekiness (browsers)
Add/subtract points for any one of the following criteria you meet below:
- You use a non-IE browser (+10)
- You use Internet Explorer 7 or 8 (-100)
- You use Internet Explorer 6 (-200)
- You use the Greasemonkey extension in Firefox (+100)
- You use Lynx (+1,000)
- You think drive-bys are only related to gangs (-300)
- You care about browser usage statistics (+500)
- You think Dillo is a typo (-500)
Category 6: Computer geekiness (games)
Add/subtract points for any one of the following criteria you meet below:
- You have completed the Prince of Persia without any cheats ... twice (+100)
- You hum the Digger tune now and then (+100)
- You think Leisure Suit Larry is the best game ever (+500)
- You prefer consoles to PC games (-200)
- You still play DOS games (+500)
- You read game manuals before playing (+100)
- You play World of Warcraft online (+5,000)
- Your avatar is an anime hero/heroine (+1E6)
Category 7: Social geekiness
Add/subtract points for any one of the following criteria you meet below:
- You're a girl and you played paintball (+100)
- You dated online (+1,000)
- You wear shirts that have math formulas or computer lingo watermarks (+1,000)
- You avoid eye-contact when talking to people (+100)
- You avoid eye-contact when talking to people and you studied Electrical Engineering (+500)
- You avoid eye-contact when talking to people, you studied Electrical Engineering and you suffer from OCD, ADD, ADHD, PDD, and other lovely acronyms (+1,000)
- You think Fox News is fair and balanced (-3,000)
- You rode a Segway (+infinity)
Category 8: Music geekiness
Add/subtract points for any one of the following criteria you meet below:
- You danced to the beat of Prince Charming, by Adam Ant (+100)
- You danced to the beat of Prince Charming, by Adam Ant, at your wedding party (+500)
- You play a dorky instrument like clarinet or violin (+100)
- You listen to Kate Bush (+1,000)
- Your favorite song is Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, by Monty Python (+5,000)
- You watch the Eurovision Song Contest (-1E9)
- You break-dance (+50)
Category 9: Education geekiness
Add/subtract points for any one of the following criteria you meet below:
- You studied Physics at the uni (+50)
- You studied Electrical Engineering at the uni (+100)
- You studied Math at the uni (+500)
- You have a PhD in Math (+1,000)
- You're a Russian, with a PhD in Math (+5,000)
- You went to a community college (-1,000)
- You wrote your thesis or whatever on a Mac (-1,000)
- You wrote it in LaTeX (+1,000)
- You studied Computer Science (+1E6)
Category 10: Movie geekiness
Add/subtract points for any one of the following criteria you meet below:
- Your favorite movie is E.T. (+100)
- Your favorite movie is Inferno (with Jean Claude van Damme) (-4,000)
- You cheer during Steven Seagal's kickass scenes (-5,000)
- Your favorite movie is Blade Runner (+1E6)
- You watch the Oscars (-1E6)
- You complain (audibly) when there's an impossible stunt/technology in the movie (+500)
- You watch foreign movies so you have something to chat about at the next soiree (-200)
- You dress like Don Johnson A.K.A Sonny Crockett in Miami Vice (-infinity)
- Chuck Norris is your idol (-infinity)
Results!
That's it, the ultimate social test. Time to sum it all up ... Let's see how you fare on the life scale! Oh, by the way, add 100 points to your score for just taking this test. Only geeks would really take it.
0 points
You're not a geek. Seriously.
1-100 points
You have some, minute characteristics of a geek, nothing major. You get along in life just fine. Most of the time, people have no idea you're a secret Star Trek fan.
101-500 points
You are a bit of a social outcast, but you manage to hide the facts most of the time. Your intelligence and sense of humor are often enough to wiggle your way out of embarrassment or stigma. In technical terms, you're a cool geek. You talk the talk and walk the walk, but you also mingle with the plebes and can hold your conversation without talking about geeky stuff.
501-1,000 points
Geekiness becomes you. You're most at home among the hi-techies and you like gadgets. But you're afraid of Trekkies and Richard Stallman frightens you. You played Dungeons and Dragons, cause you thought it was a cool way of getting to know the girls.
1,001-10,000 points
Not being able to talk to common people is hard enough, having a nasty streak and an attitude of an ulcerous badger does not really help you in life. But you thrive on spiteful anger and vent your frustration by writing memos in Fortran. You solve math puzzles for fun and you laugh when other people have accidents. If you could, you would leadpipe your way down the chain of cubicles, but you don't have the guts for that.
10,001+ points
You're a special case. If you were born in the Middle Ages, you would be leading Crusades and suchlike, only you would do that by advising everyone converts to Linux rather than any contemporary religion. You frighten people with your theories, in the rare moments your spiritual aura and the world co-align. You're a geek for the sake of geekiness, and you don't even really enjoy it. You recite entire sci-fi movies, just to frighten people off.
Conclusion
There we go, the fairest, most balanced geek test you've ever seen in your life, a genuine masterpiece of cunning, sociology and technology. You would not trust a mere shrink with this kind of stuff, but Dr. von Kackensprecher is the right man for the right task.
For more eternal wisdom by the world's most renown psychology guru, feel free to visit the dedicated section. You will learn a lot, about you and the society, at large. I really hope you enjoyed it. See ya around!
Cheers!