The First Semester - Getting Started

My son was entering his junior year in high school. Before school starts my wife goes to Target for all his supplies. Now she led both of us. My son was the expert here. He advised me on the type of book bag that would look cool and the assorted notebooks and highlighters I would need.

Then came the books that I ordered from the bookstore. I loved opening each one. To me they were like the Talmud. They were books that contained not just knowledge. They contained wisdom; the wisdom that sprung from great minds; the wisdom that brings order to a society. They contained the wisdom that sprung from great minds and showed how society could deal with its disputes without resorting to vigilante revenge and retribution. They also represented my hopes for a new career that would challenge and stretch my ability to reason.

The great day had arrived that would deflate some of my hopes. I did not see myself as old. I saw myself as just another law student. At the opening ceremony the Dean gathered us all into a reception room at a nearby hotel. She wanted to tell us how proud she was of the diversity of the incoming class. She told us that we had students from a number of countries, from different undergraduate schools, from different graduate schools, from different professions. Then came the great ego deflator. She said we have students that range in age from twenty-one to fifty-three. I kept a straight face hoping no one would guess that I was the fifty-three year old. I was tempted to say to the people around me, “gee, I wonder who that old geezer is.”

During the first few months I had not yet figured out how to organize my life. I left work in my suit and tie, grabbed some junk food and flew down to school. Many fellow students referred to me as “sir.” Faculty would smile and say hello as I passed them in the hallways. They would look back at me with a puzzled look as though they should know my name.

It took a while for people to realize I was just another student. A few students and professors were not afraid of being so politically incorrect as to ask me how I had come to study law at my age. I gave different answers to different people. The bottom line was still philosophical; I didn’t want to leave this world knowing I had not used my intellectual capacity to its fullest.

He Not Being Born Is Busy Dying Or Why Should I Attend Law School In My Fifties

My reasons for deciding on law school may be different from others. I am writing this post because I have been asked by EVERYONE who knows I am attending school, including many professors, why I am going at this time in life. When I say everyone I mean even those who have had no particular comment (see last post).

The answer can be divided into two parts; philosophical and practical. I have been asked so many times and even more times I have wondered myself. There is no doubt the overwhelming reason is philosophical because frankly, at least at the start of this odyssey, there was nothing practical about leaving a career that paid for a good life, a nice house and good schools for my children. After 32 years the only possible reason was philosophical.

I like music. I like to play guitar. I used to like Bob Dylan and still play a few of his old songs. He really knew how to turn a phrase and the phrase that "he not busy born is a busy dying" has always stuck with me. I started programming a Radio Shack computer before there was a PC. I learned to fly a sailplane for the thrill of flying without an engine. I ran with the bulls in Pamplona when I turned 45 and got my powered airplane license at 50. I love reading history because there is always more to learn. If something's broken I'll try and learn how to fix it even if ends up costing a lot more. The point is curiosity and never being satisfied with the status quo.

So what was the process for deciding to take on law school? This is a lot more work than getting a pilot's license or learning to play a guitar or writing my own accounts payable system in DbaseII. Debbie and I were talking about what the stock market had done to our retirement savings just as many people around the country have done. The answer was the same as other folks' answer was; we will just have to work longer before retiring. That's when I said we would be doing that anyway no matter how much money we do or do not end up with. Debbie is a workaholic. There is no way she would retire. She doesn't have any consuming hobbies. It is unimaginable that she would not be working on cancer research. I would like to retire from my business but what would I do? Fly for a while? Play golf for six months or a year? Do some projects around the house for 6 months? Then what. I would drive her and myself crazy. Could I semi-retire? No. The job I do is to manage a business that is either full time or no time. Did I want to continue in the same career path until I was 65 or 70? No. I no longer receive the satisfaction from my job that I had when I was younger. The economy had changed and the model for my business had changed requiring a substantial infusion of money and a new business model. I just didn't have it in me. I guess you could call that a practical reason but many people who have spent 30 or more years in a career and are tired and unhappy continue on because it is just too hard to change that late in life but as I said in my previous posting, I never was proud of taking the easy road. One reason Debbie and I are together is that neither one of us makes decisions based on what is easy.

When life gets a little too crazy and you get upset at work or at home, you have to ask yourself how much does this really matter in the scheme of things? If I knew I was dying would this matter? What would my regrets be? I probably would not lie around wishing I had worked harder or made more money. I, hopefully like most people, would regret not having spent more time with my wife and children. I would regret not having done more to help others. There is one regret that nagged at me for years. One that would never let go of me. I knew inside that I had not done all that I could with my mind. No matter how challenging my work, no matter how many hobbies, religious activities or any other enterprises I became involved in, I could not leave this life without going back to school. I would regret not having used my mind to its fullest. Science and medicine were definitely out and no other course of study could grasp my interest and imagination like the study of law. There is philosophy, history and hundreds of years of reasoning and wisdom. You can strip away science, technology and many other achievements of man, and society can still exist but no free society can exist without the law.

I can find other philosophical reasons. I have plenty of quotes hanging around my computer that I’ve saved. Quotes from poets, philosophers and lots of pop songs from John Lennon (it really doesn’t matter if I’m wrong or right, where I belong I’m right) to the Mammas and the Papas (you’ve got to make your own kind of music) and a whole lot of other quotes I won’t bore you with. The most succinct phrase is definitely from Bob Dylan when he says "he not busy born is busy dying." I cannot stop the physical deterioration of age, but I surely can stop my spirit from slowly dying. The study and practice of law is my way to stop my spirit from dying.

The Most Common Questions and Reactions From Friends and Relatives

I will address the question of "why I wanted to go to law school" in another posting. Let's just accept the notion that I did not wake up one day and say, "hey, I think I'll go to law school now that I'm 52!" Something had to be missing in life; an undefined yearning. You do some internet searches. You discover LSAC.org. You have to find some books that teach you how to take the LSAT. There was no plan. There was no single moment when a decision was made. I spent three months taking sample LSATs and reading books on how to improve my score on the weakest areas. It seemed like nothing more than a hobby . . . an intellectual exercise. Finally I decided to try the LSAT just one time. If the score was good then maybe I'd move to the next step. If not, then I'd give up on the idea. When I signed in at the LSAT the proctor looked at me and said, "you're the oldest one here." I realized the hurdle of age would be hard to overcome even if it was only in my own mind.

My LSAT score was good enough for the the few schools in the area that had an evening division. Next I thought I'd try and apply to some of those schools assuming I wouldn't get in. I thought the hardest part would be the essay on why I wanted to go to law school but when I sat down to write it I was done in less than 30 minutes. All the reasons poured out. All the reasons I could not verbalize or explain to anyone just fell onto the page. Very little editing was needed. It wasn't long before I was accepted at several schools.

At first glance all the actions taken seemed disjointed. There was no plan. I simply took steps. Steps that led from one act to another starting with the first discussion with my wife, Debbie, and ending with telling my business partner (who is also my brother) that I was going back to school after 30 years. Yet, when I look back I see it was not disjointed at all. Each step led inexorably to the next. From the first discussion with Deb the decision was made. I just could not admit it to myself. When the time finally came to start telling friends and relatives about my decision. The comments ranged from disbelief to the assurance that I had taken leave of my senses along with expressions of admiration for trying to change my life. Below are some examples of the comments I received.

"Why do you want to be a lawyer especially at your age?"

"Do you know that lawyers are a dime a dozen?"

"No one is hiring locally!"

"What makes you want to leave a successful career after 32 years and take such a risk?"

"Do you know how little you'll be making to start?"

"I always knew you were a lying sack of s***!" -- that comment was from the brother-in-law that I really like.

"So you're studying to be an a******!" -- that comment was from a customer.

"A good businessman can hire all the lawyers he wants" -- great encouragement from my father

I have to include the two greatest mentors and inspirations of my life whose encouragement could overcome any negative comments:

1) My mother, the wisest person I know, a person who would have gone quite far professionally if only she had the chance to be raised in this country and who never showed any surprise or paused for a second before saying "I'm very proud of you."

2) My wife, who encouraged me, who got her PhD later in life, who became an internationally recognized nurse and cancer researcher at the University of Pennsylvania and who told me that I could do it at my age if it was what I really wanted.

Just to make sure that I wasn't on a fool's quest, I talked to a few lawyers I knew for many years. The answers were fairly encouraging :

"I don't think I could do it at your age."

"You have enough gray hair that clients won't question your experience."

"You have the necessary common sense and wisdom after dealing with the public for so many years that other graduates don't have."

"Your business experience will be invaluable."

"You can advance in three years where a young graduate would take ten."

Wow! That's all great news! I wanted to believe everything they told me. I hoped it was true. Unfortunately I do have some experience in the real world and that world is full of people who will blow smoke up your leg. Its no skin off their backs to be complementary and encouraging. After all, there's no gain in deflating someone's dream. There have already been a few instances where those encouraging statements are starting to ring hollow but there were no promises or guarantees nor did any of these folks have an obligation to me. I knew what I was getting into and the consequences are all my responsibility.

Still I wasn't scared. Not until the economy tanked, the news media reported stories of out-of-work attorneys and well established firms closing. I thought that selling out my end of the business would give me enough cash to pay off my school loans and support me for a year while I slowly brought my income up to a reasonable range by the the second or third year. The economy took care of that plan too. Its time to adapt. Plans have to be re-arranged. After 25 years together Deb and I know we can figure out a plan together. There is no turning back now.